I can’t sing, dance, draw, publicly speak, eat healthy, keep my cool, wink, smile nicely, look in both of your eyes, paint, say how I honestly feel, wear jeans without wanting to stab my thighs, laugh humanly.
I can’t wait to live alone so I can dictate my television volume, be naked and not care, paint my walls a cheescake yellow, have my living room walls to be covered in an alphabetical DVD library, control my thermostat.
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk